Post by whiterabbit on Jul 28, 2005 10:45:49 GMT -5
well, now that the website will be offline for a while because of the upgrades etc. why don't we make the
forum a bit more lively?
First of all, I wanted to put down some of my thoughts on the stories of the last few weeks, as I haven't been able to do so.
First of all my own requested story Richer/Poorer. Must say it was a surprise to see it online, as I thought the staple of requested stories was much larger than to expect it written already. But anyway, thanks for writing it first of all!!
If I had to summarize my opinion into a single sentence, I would say "I really liked the story, it didn't feel like a rehash and had some surprises, but...it also had some points I didn't like as much"...In more than one sentence that means:
What I loved about the story were the details. This story was so much packed with details of change you literally had to read it 3 or 4 times to discover them all. Small changes in appearance, the look of the house, the luxury of it, the attitude changes etc. It was chockfull of those, which was great.
In these type of reality-altering stories (my favorite!) details are always the most important, it makes the story interesting to read through.
There were however a couple of attitude changes that struck me as odd, or just a tad unfulfilling. First of all there was one point were I felt the story didn't flow that great.
This was the moment when Franny exited her renewed kitchen and sees her new maid. The appearance of the maid felt a bit quick, but most important, Franny suddenly thought it normal that her husband fucked around with her. That was a BIG change in her character, and could have been build up a little bit more, at least that is what my idea/advice would be. Especially when she begins to see the gardener as a boy-toy, I felt like we skipped a beat or two in her progression. At that point she already is sort of the adultery-commiting golddigger
and after that change, in comparison, Franny doesn't change so much anymore. She does begin to get a bit more pregnant dogy, luxurious (getting her drunk was good), and vain (the usual breast-implants) but that's about it. Her slutty side seems a bit, well, tame and, well, i don't know, the end felt a bit soft.
So in general, I would say the story could've been balanced a bit more, slowing her progression in the early/middle part of the story, maby peeking into her pshyche a bit more elaborate, and enhanching the changes from about halfway through, make her a bit more slutty, fake, arrogant, dumb even or ignorant and vain.
Still, all in all, I think you did a more than adequate job with my request, and I certainly enjoyed reading it! Wasn't as great as Ariana's... my first requested story, but it wasn't that far off.
-----
Next up: Afternoon well Spent.
I think this was one of the better ones in the series, mainly because of two, relatively elaborate, transformation sequences.
1.the change of Monica into a Bimbo. Loved how she altered herself through her own idea of a stereotypical bimbo. (reminded me a bit of the BfB-change, I praised earlier). Just wished we could see a bit more of her mental changes in, especially, the first couple of changes (becoming, unrespectable, arrogant, egotistical, vain etc.)
2.the changes of the aerobic-class. turning the soccermoms into cheap sluts & strippers worked surprisingly well, even though it isn't that original. probably because it simply was well written. Your style often is very visual I think, and this part showed that you can excell in that department.
----
well, that were some thoughts I wanted to share. Hope it's of help to you mr.Grey, and well, good luck with shaping up the site. Curious as to how it's gonna look!
Oh and to everyone else, why don't we try out a couple of stories on the forum? Maby someone can continue my barbie-doll 2 story (I definately won't write another chapter for it) or start up something new?
I'll try to work out something also, an idea I've got (unsurprisingly in the reality-transformation catagory), hope to post it soon!
Later, White Rabbit
forum a bit more lively?
First of all, I wanted to put down some of my thoughts on the stories of the last few weeks, as I haven't been able to do so.
First of all my own requested story Richer/Poorer. Must say it was a surprise to see it online, as I thought the staple of requested stories was much larger than to expect it written already. But anyway, thanks for writing it first of all!!
If I had to summarize my opinion into a single sentence, I would say "I really liked the story, it didn't feel like a rehash and had some surprises, but...it also had some points I didn't like as much"...In more than one sentence that means:
What I loved about the story were the details. This story was so much packed with details of change you literally had to read it 3 or 4 times to discover them all. Small changes in appearance, the look of the house, the luxury of it, the attitude changes etc. It was chockfull of those, which was great.
In these type of reality-altering stories (my favorite!) details are always the most important, it makes the story interesting to read through.
There were however a couple of attitude changes that struck me as odd, or just a tad unfulfilling. First of all there was one point were I felt the story didn't flow that great.
This was the moment when Franny exited her renewed kitchen and sees her new maid. The appearance of the maid felt a bit quick, but most important, Franny suddenly thought it normal that her husband fucked around with her. That was a BIG change in her character, and could have been build up a little bit more, at least that is what my idea/advice would be. Especially when she begins to see the gardener as a boy-toy, I felt like we skipped a beat or two in her progression. At that point she already is sort of the adultery-commiting golddigger
and after that change, in comparison, Franny doesn't change so much anymore. She does begin to get a bit more pregnant dogy, luxurious (getting her drunk was good), and vain (the usual breast-implants) but that's about it. Her slutty side seems a bit, well, tame and, well, i don't know, the end felt a bit soft.
So in general, I would say the story could've been balanced a bit more, slowing her progression in the early/middle part of the story, maby peeking into her pshyche a bit more elaborate, and enhanching the changes from about halfway through, make her a bit more slutty, fake, arrogant, dumb even or ignorant and vain.
Still, all in all, I think you did a more than adequate job with my request, and I certainly enjoyed reading it! Wasn't as great as Ariana's... my first requested story, but it wasn't that far off.
-----
Next up: Afternoon well Spent.
I think this was one of the better ones in the series, mainly because of two, relatively elaborate, transformation sequences.
1.the change of Monica into a Bimbo. Loved how she altered herself through her own idea of a stereotypical bimbo. (reminded me a bit of the BfB-change, I praised earlier). Just wished we could see a bit more of her mental changes in, especially, the first couple of changes (becoming, unrespectable, arrogant, egotistical, vain etc.)
2.the changes of the aerobic-class. turning the soccermoms into cheap sluts & strippers worked surprisingly well, even though it isn't that original. probably because it simply was well written. Your style often is very visual I think, and this part showed that you can excell in that department.
----
well, that were some thoughts I wanted to share. Hope it's of help to you mr.Grey, and well, good luck with shaping up the site. Curious as to how it's gonna look!
Oh and to everyone else, why don't we try out a couple of stories on the forum? Maby someone can continue my barbie-doll 2 story (I definately won't write another chapter for it) or start up something new?
I'll try to work out something also, an idea I've got (unsurprisingly in the reality-transformation catagory), hope to post it soon!
Later, White Rabbit