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Post by TrippCollins1 on Mar 7, 2005 2:19:23 GMT -5
Hey MrGrey, I mean no disrespect, man, but I feel the sequel to an Afternoon Well Spent, left a little lacking in my opinion. I mean, in the first one there, was a great deal more transformation in it. I love your work but maybe it can be turned into a chapter thing, like the Camp Whol-Nu-Yu, like an alternating week... I dunno, I'm sorry if my ramblings offended anyone...
Tripp
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Post by MrGrey on Mar 7, 2005 9:44:56 GMT -5
It's understandable. I understand that not everything is going to be considered great by everybody. I received some feedback saying it was great and some not. But, there will be a third installment coming soon, taking place in a bar at night. Hopefully it'll be more to your liking.  |
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Post by Polecat on Mar 7, 2005 11:52:16 GMT -5
Yay, that'll be my request then. I did enjoy Another Afternoon but agree with Tripp that it wasn't up there with the original. To be fair to MrGrey, though, the original would be hard to top...
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Post by MrGrey on Mar 7, 2005 12:37:05 GMT -5
Any suggestions that you could point out? What made the original better in your opinion? What would like to see in the next installment that the second was lacking? You guys are paying, so I definitley want you to get your money's worth! |
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Post by kandor on Mar 7, 2005 12:51:30 GMT -5
I liked "Another Afternoon" a great deal, and it was a worthy sequel. I think the difference for me was the nature of the transformations being a little less "degrading" and I felt that the consequences of the transformations needed to be followed just a little bit longer.
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Post by haringtonboy on Mar 7, 2005 14:35:22 GMT -5
I too felt the sequal was lacking, although did i did prefer that the men were ignored this time, I liked the wider range of transformations and the way the victims were toyed with desperatly trying to talk their way out of their fates.
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Post by TrippCollins1 on Mar 9, 2005 2:11:14 GMT -5
Well, for me at least, it seemed a little generic. In the First one, it seemed to took on more of it's own feel, like with the 17 seconds chunk of the first one. And and the parts with the mother/daughter combos. It seemed the 'Hero' of the story was actually looking for a good time, whereas in the second it seemed like he was just bored, and didn't seem to quench his time fully at the end...
I hope my ramblings make some bit of sense... And I hope others leave their comments to sort it out more
Tripp
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Post by MrGrey on Mar 9, 2005 13:22:07 GMT -5
Points taken... I'll just have to go crazy with the next installment Any specific transformations anyone would like to see? The Afternoon Well Spent series was just sort of my way of staying fresh and trying out new stuff. Any little idea I had in my head got put in there. So, whatever stuff you guys would like see, I'll try to work it in. As always, thanks for the input |
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Post by bonobo on Mar 9, 2005 15:05:10 GMT -5
There was one transformation that stood out in the latest part of afternoon. It was about the transformation of a prober friendly girl into an
immature spoiled girl. Though the discription of the
transformation was a bit short it did caught my attention.
A mental transformation where the girl
gets changed from friendly, sophisticated, generous etc. into a vain, arrogant, spoiled girl is just something thats interesting to me, as a nice detour from the standard bimbo-iq-loss transformations. It still feels
close to bimbo-transformation, but the emphasis is different.
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Post by Nolan Yuno on Mar 11, 2005 0:25:01 GMT -5
Hi, I REALLY love your work, but I have to agree there was an aspect to the sequel that made it a bit lightweight...  Can't really put my finger on it... Perhaps the multiple brief "zaps", especially toward the end... Too brief to visualize well, much less to thrill the reader... Stephanie, which seemed to be one of the main transformation scene, was superficial... a quick wardrobe makeover mainly, with standard mental and libido bimboization... Turning men into pimps didn't do much How about turning men into bimbos? If not full and instantaneous, how about either personality only, mentally only, physically only, desire-wise, or slow change, something like these? I know there has been a bit of that, but if you prefer the ladies, turn the men into more ladies! There is one thing I particularly liked about the sequel that did show up... Major victims with after-knowledge of what had happened to them. I refer to Dierdre... She knew what she had been before and what she is now... well done! When a person is otherwise changed to be so totally different, they stop being the victim, and become someone else entirely, and that detracts from the experience. There are some minor victims with afterknowledge in both the original (the oriental girl with breast expansion) and the sequel (the illiterate doctor talking babytalk), but there is a particular terror for the victim to fully realize they are stuck this way forever, and not just for us to know it. It made me wonder in which direction Dierdre's life would now go, since she now had this carnal craving for sadism while rationally abhoring it... There were so many things I liked about the first one... the mannequin (is she still alive and aware inside that shell? I'm presuming not, since she was going numb)... The college professor mentally reduced to the capacity of a ditzy 16-year old lesbian airhead (it would have been GREAT to have given her a cameo return appearance in the sequel, since it was set at a college! See how she's making out in her new life, and add continuity to the series)... The mother and daughter where the mother was turned into an ex-stripper (mainly because the daughter knew there was a difference; that at least comes close to retaining a rememberance of how the victim was)... I am glad you are taking on other venues than just a mall. Maybe more of schools, churches, these sorts of institutions. (Government?)  I would say (1) more in-depth transformations, (2) victims who fully remember what they were like but can do nothing about it, and (3) don't ignore changing the men so much. Again, I DO love your work VERY much, and hope the Afternoon series becomes a MUCH more frequent feature! On a separate topic, if I could suggest a type of story, how about a Mr Grey one designed to change the reader? "Oops, sorry, you've chosen to read this story, now your life will never be the same..." May only be a quickie, but still a challenge to write, and great fun to read... Speaking of which, just in case you really do have The Power, please ignore any bad comments I might have made... ;D Keep up the great writing! |
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Post by mcfan on Mar 13, 2005 1:21:09 GMT -5
I was a little disappointed in the sequel as well, although it certainly had a lot to live up to.
My first thought was that having it occur at a job fair was a brilliant idea. So many possibilities! But I felt it was a bit too short and didn't go into enough of them.
For example, in An Afternoon Well Spent, the Mr. Grey character clearly liked turning porn stars and into other races and things like that. Why didn't he offer 'jobs' like those? I could picture porn star being a job, french maid, 'honky tonk' waitress, very *friendly* personty secretary, etc. all being jobs. Obviously these may be a bit cliched, but you get my idea that there were many jobs he could have turned the women into.
In fact, he could have just changed the recruits, but not the applicants at first, and made the applicants choose. Whichever they chose, they would then physically and mentally change to fit that job description. All sorts of possibilties there (it seems to me).
As for the men, I didn't mind seeing them turned into pimps. But you could also imagine turning them into 'bad men' for these women, e.g. philandering husband, sexist boss, gangsta rapper, etc. I guess I don't have a strong opinion about that, but just a possibilty.
At any rate, I think the job fair idea was good, but that there was a lot more than could be done with it...
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Post by kanyon on Mar 13, 2005 14:09:57 GMT -5
I totally agree with you mcfan. I feel the job fair premise was awesome but was not taken as far as it could have been. I also really like the ideas you have for changing the guys. Those are transformations I hope to see in future stories.
In the end I still enjoyed the story, it had a few new ideas keeping it fresh.
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Post by nolanyuno on Mar 26, 2005 12:10:14 GMT -5
...there will be a third installment coming soon, taking place in a bar at night. A bar? Don't the types of women who hang out in bars already have the qualities Mr Grey would impart to them? How about going someplace where the people think they have their lives in order, and Mr Grey helps set them straight... Maybe a corporate boardroom, a PTA or college faculty meeting, a TV newsroom (or better yet, Mr Grey spends an afternoon watching live TV!)... Perhaps this should be a poll topic? Where would people like to see Mr Grey go next? |
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Post by jmichaelsoffline on Mar 28, 2005 23:39:05 GMT -5
(I really need to have my account active on my laptop, signing in as guest all the time just won't do)
For me I felt like it was rushed, the beginning showed promise especially the comment about had the last girl in just taken one more second to get ready in the morning or not run through the yellow light, etc. That comment made me feel like he (the protagonist) was planning something quite sinister and well thought out. Of course after few more paragraphs into the story it felt like it was hurried along just to get to the finish line without any of the redeeming qualities that made the first one a five star read.
My suggestion for the next installment is to make it a chapter like story, however lets do a twist. Using the power of the polls here in the forum why not go through each chapter with a good detailed change or two and leave a character in limbo, an upcoming change cliffhanger that we decide via poll here in the forum? For instance, Mr. Grey can choose his next victim allude to some sinister idea and then its off to the poll to see what the change will be in the next installment.
If that doesn't fly I'd like to see either a cultural change like was was brought upon the racist in the last chapter, or a stereotypical change involving some smart Latina like what occurred in the latest Mental Pills (GREAT change BTW)... I'm a bit partial to Latinas since I married one :-)
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Can't really put my finger on it...
